My journey with the video for TV producers continued for another week before I posted it this morning. Even working with someone in the film industry, there were technical problems that created a buzz in the background of most of our footage and lighting problems with the rest. Since I’m editing in iMovie, I moved into the Mac store with a sleeping bag and a coffee maker yesterday. OK, not really. But I did spend 7 ½ hours between two Mac stores and a nearby Starbucks downloading, editing, and fixing the problems with my little promotional interview with the help of the wonderful trainers from Mac’s One to One program. In the end, I think it’s fine, though it did raise interesting questions about what Quakers call “way opening” and “way closing.” The idea is that when you are doing what God is calling you to do, you’ll be given what you need, sometimes (but not always) with great ease. On the other hand, many obstacles may be a sign that you are off track and need to reassess your direction. Of course, sometimes you’re meant to persevere, so not having way open doesn’t necessarily mean you should quit. Discernment can be tricky.

The amazing thing to reflect on is how I have been given what I needed throughout this process, though not always what I thought I wanted. Although I would have preferred no technical problems, it was somewhat miraculous that I got successive One to One appointments on such short notice. The Mac people have been terrific, and last night one of them offered to send my other video on the Serenity Prayer  to his mother who is “in recovery and will send this to 1000 people,” which is something I couldn’t have accomplished in the 7 ½ hours that initially seemed wasted. I have to remember that as long as I’m being faithful to what I feel I’m led to do, none of this journey is a waste, even if I can’t see the benefit. For example, the frustrations of filming with my children gave me another lesson in letting go and trusting. I’m not always grateful for such lessons in the moment, but I am in the long run.

At my low point last week, just before I posted the funny bloopers, I told a friend that I thought God was messing with me. (Well, actually I used a cruder verb.) She responded that the “forces of death” had a way of pushing back whenever something good was coming into the world. I’m still sitting with that comment and may want to engage in a conversation with readers sometime around what many call the “forces of evil,” but that will have to wait for another day. After my friend’s comment, I read something that explained my predicament in a way that felt more comfortable to me. It was in Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist, which I had never read before. Although I wouldn’t recommend it as great literature, it was exactly what I needed last week. The journey of a young man who has a dream that leads him to discover his calling and go on a quest, it is full of spiritual lessons that rang true to me, though I might have worded them differently. For example, there is mention of what I would call “way opening” occurring early in your journey, when you need encouragement. Then, when you are close to fulfilling your calling, the young man’s teacher asserts, you will be given a host of problems that test everything you’ve learnt along the way, just to make sure the lessons really stick. I feel like that is what’s happening, and whether I am reading too much into technical difficulties or not, thinking of it that way is helping me to stay relatively (but imperfectly) serene.